I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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