i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
