Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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