My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
