his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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