Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
