I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
