It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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