You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
