if you like me you must not know who I am
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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