she peed on how many people?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
