He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
