so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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