Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
