Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
