It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
