Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
