I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
