its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
