OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Alive.
So much puke
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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