I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
