I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
