my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
