i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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