Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
