dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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