I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Where is the hickey?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
