so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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