Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
