Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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