fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bet he comes in French.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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