i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
