so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
