What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and she was petting her beer can
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
