He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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