i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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