Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
