I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
