so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
