i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize