I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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