He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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