I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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