I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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