woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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