Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
