as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
