Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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