i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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