so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
