I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
