You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
