All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
