Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
