I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
