I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
