just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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