he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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