pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
