P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
