It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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