True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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