DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
