I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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